He's Just Not That Into You

A limp ensemble relationship movie that feels like the frustrated venting of a bitter single girl after a blind date gone badly awry.

This is the kind of movie where a bunch of 20 and 30-somethings own beautiful loft apartments they couldn't possibly afford and struggle with relationship issues that are just boring to watch other people grapple with if you yourself are over the age of 30. Once again we're expected to accept Jennifer Aniston as a sad sack who can't get a date after she dumps the long-time boyfriend (Ben Affleck, playing not so much a character as a woman's fantasy made real) who won't commit to marriage. Ginnifer Goodwin is the doormat who can't figure out why guys won't call her even though they say they will. Justin Long is terribly miscast as a womanizer who doesn't know when he's fallen in love himself (I can't look at him without seeing the image of his dork from "Dodgeball" getting hit in the face with a wrench, which is not far from what I wanted to do to his character in this movie). Jennifer Connelly and Bradley Cooper are the lone married couple in the film, and because this is a Hollywood movie about relationships, of course the married couple MUST be miserable. Scarlett Johanssen is a bombshell with giant knockers that I couldn't take my eyes off of; Drew Barrymore might as well not be in the movie, and only is because a.) she co-produced it and b.) the filmmakers needed a forum in which to introduce a bunch of stock gay characters. You want to throttle pretty much everyone by the time the movie's over; I settled for thanking God I didn't have to be friends with any of them.

Though the film was only written by two people, it has the feeling of something written by committee. Characters aren't consistent or believable; those played by Goodwin and Connelly more often than not come across as mentally ill. In the world of this film, there are only two kinds of marriages: the ones that end in adultery and bitterness, or the ones that end in a ridiculously romanticized version of happily-ever-after. No wonder so many people have trouble making marriages work if they're using films like this as examples.

What a dud, and probably solid evidence that movies shouldn't be adapted from smug and jokey self-help books written by jackass talk show hosts.