Fans of the Week: Hartlepool. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Mark Crossley (Notts Forest) Other Guest: Phil Cornwell (impressionist) (Spurs fan)

On the Phone:

-John Sherdian (Oldham) -Paul Gascoigne (Boro) -Paul Taylor (Sheff Wed fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Chelsea are rubbish 2. Arsenal late goals 3. Sheffield Wednesday are really rubbish 4. David Beckham's temper tantrums 5. David Beckham's dress sense

Soccerettes: Called Fiona, age 20, 5 foot 4, from Staffordshire, supports Port Vale.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Leeory Rosenoir (ex West Ham, Fulham etc) Could He Kick It? No - hit the post and wide.